Ralph Nader = the Buffalo Bills of Presidential Candidates

Looks like ol' Ralph is at it again. He's looking to run and lose his fourth campaign for president. Ralph Nader is like Kevin Costner in Tin Cup. Even though his ball keeps going in the water he won't stop trying for the green. Unlike Costner though, the only green that Nader is going to hit probably isn't legal.

This is starting to get ridiculous. I feel like it's reached the point where Nader runs just to see how many friends he has in each state. "Wow, I didn't realize I was friends with five people in Nebraska. Oh wait, I forgot that the Johnson's kids were old enough to vote now. That makes five."

He believes that since Edwards dropped out and Willy Wonka apparently stole Kucinich back, those interested in a populist candidate might be interested in him. I wonder if the people who work on his campaigns just don't tell him the truth. I wonder if they create elaborate fake election results where he barely loses each time. "Sorry Mr. Nader, you lost by one vote again!" Instead they should explain to him that when the television said 'Nader - 2000' that was how many votes he received, not what year he was running.

On the other hand though, I can't knock the hustle. He keeps running and getting to do all sorts of sweet things I'm sure. Free dinners probably or at the very least some air time. After all the exposure I'm sure he can pull some good money giving speeches and stuff. Not a bad gig if you ask me. Honestly I'd rather hang out with Nader than John Kerry for what its worth.

[UPI]

Tropical Gangstas v. The Government

My boy, the Cripler from Tropical Gangstas, put me onto their new jam. The Tropical Gangstas apparently have a different point of view on our government.



This joint is too hot.

United Planets of America?

I just read that Virgin has almost completed the first private spaceship. For some reason I just have the impression that Sir Richard Branson was sitting around with a couple of his pals (Spiderman, Bill Gates, Saudi Kings), drinking panda blood and skeet shooting original Beatles recordings when he plopped himself down in his elephant skin chair and said "i'm bloody bored". His buddies were all like: "what do you want to do Chuck? Do you want to buy a city or maybe blow up some hummers?" Finally Branson replied: "I want to eat an ostrich egg on the moon." Next thing you know we have Virgin Galactic.

They also already have 200 people signed up to go. Apparently Lance Bass is not only the gayest boy bander, but he's also an outer space trend setter. I remember his outer space aspirations fondly. Now Lance and a bunch of other rich people can finally go there. Dreams do come true.

Now that I think about it I wonder if the whole Lance in space thing wasn't just part of his plan to come out of the closet. I mean think about it from his point of view. You tell your mom that you're going to outer space and she probably flips out. She doesn't want you to risk your life or at the very least leave for many years. Then it turns out that you're not actually going to space, you're just gay. It's the old "mom i'm pregnant, just kidding but i did get a D in math" trick. Apparently coming out is so big that you have to hit them with an epic lie, to the tune of you going to outer space. Very shrewd Lance, very shrewd.

As for me I'm cool with gyroplanes for now. I can't even go on minor amusement park rides without feeling nauseous, let alone outer space.

article:
virgin unveils private spaceship design

Picture:
Branson

Better Together on MLK Day

No work on MLK Day? I guess we could have the time of our lives!



Martin Luther King Jr wins.

Concerned about Snow?

I love snow, but snow is it's own worst enemy in the arena of public opinion. What I mean is simple. Many people love snow and love being in the snow, however the very same snow they love causes them to squint and bunch up their face to avoid an eyeball full of precipitation. What's the result? When it's snowing everyone walks around looking very concerned, when many would rather be expressing delight.

The flip side of this of course are those hardened souls who hate snow or at the very least are concerned about it. No one can tell how concerned they are because it looks like they're merely scowling for ocular safety. Must be frustrating for them too, leading them to even more misleading scowls.

Personally I'm not concerned about it and would like to express myself as such. I've tried keeping my eyes wide open before, but it looks creepy. Maybe I'll make shirts that say "I'm actually not concerned about the snow, in fact, I enjoy it". I'll have to get one of those 7XL shirts like the soulja boys wear to fit it all.

Patriot Lames

Due to all the success that the New England Patriots have had it seems like they have an awful lot of fans nowadays. Now I'm ok with people cheering for their team and I can even accept a little of them rubbing it in. But I refuse to listen to any of the cheering or taunting from casual fans or those who didn't pay their dues. For example if you cheered for the Pats while Pete Carroll ran them into the ground, I'm ok with you being excited now. But if you were a Cowboys fan and then decided that all of a sudden you're a Patriots fan, then you don't deserve to taunt. You dudes didn't pay your dues. So here are the guidelines which you must pass for me to consider you a legit Pat's fan:

First, which group are you? A) Have lived in New England or B) Haven't lived in New England

Guidelines for those who have lived in New England:

A)If you have lived in New England then you are allowed to be a fan, with a few notable exceptions:

1) If you have lived there for less than four years than you must have been a Patriots fan prior to 2001**.
2) If you live in Connecticut and have ever been a fan of the NY Giants or NY Jets then you must have switched allegiance prior to 1996*.
3) If you were a fan of any previous team that won a Super Bowl in your lifetime you must have switched allegiance before high school or 2001, whichever is earlier.

Guidelines for those who have never lived in New England:

B) If you have never lived in New England then you are not allowed to be a fan, with a few notable exceptions:

1) If you or a parent are a lifelong Patriots fan
2) If you have a relative or friend on the team
3) If you became a fan prior to 1996
4) If you became a fan prior to 2001, and was never a fan of a team that won a Super Bowl in your lifetime.

*The Patriots went to the Super Bowl at the end of the '96 season
**The Patriots won their first Super Bowl at the end of the '01 season

If you pass the guidelines then congratulations, enjoy the easy life. As for me, I'll go on suffering the fate of a Bill's fan.

My Long Standing Issue with Paula Abdul

I've held this in as long as I could (that's what she said), but seeing the video for "Opposites Attract" on the VH1 top 100 songs of the 90's has reignited it. It's not so much that I personally take issue with the video for Opposites Attract. I don't mind it that much. But moms and anti-smoking people around the US should have been pissed that Paula Abdul doesn't like cigarrettes, but the cool cartoon cat "likes to smoke".

What a great role model this cartoon is. He's clearly sweet, I mean he's definitely banging Paula Abdul (at the height of her stardom no less). But is it necessary for him to be pro-tobacco. If I'm a little dude I'm thinking if I want hotties to love me I definitely need to smoke AND rap, then it's a done deal. When I was watching the commentary on VH1 they never mentioned this, but they did mention that the cat was supposed to get his own cartoon show at some point. Imagine on Saturday morning your kid is watching cool cat smoke cigs and shoot pool, just like daddy before he went to prison. Real classy Paula, real classy.



Note: This video won a grammy. Not only do they approve but they think it's worth awarding. Nice.

Gyroplanes are the Sweetest

If there is one thing that is universally true, it's that Gyroplanes are the sweetest thing ever. Just think about it, your own personal helicopter.

I was reading about them in a popular mechanics article and my head almost exploded from the awesomeness.



How fucking sweet is that!? Still not convinced?



As soon as I can I'm flying one of those things. It's just you basically flying a go-kart through the air. Forget about it.

Case closed, America wins, no diggity.

Proximity Mines in the Archives

If the name of this post means nothing to you, then you obviously haven't played Golden Eye for Nintendo 64. Probably one of the sweetest games ever.

Anyway...

A couple of my friends came down to Cap City for New Year's Eve, so we showed them around visiting museums and the like. This included a trip to the National Archives. Before I talk about that though, let me talk about a slight pet peeve of mine. It bothers me a little when people tell me "Happy New Years!" The "s" is necessary in New Year's Eve, but in this context it is not. I'm not celebrating the start of multiple years, so you don't have to address me as such. Unless of course these people are referring to the start of some other year as well as the calender year, in which case ignore the previous sentence.

Anyway...

We went to the archives to snoop around and it was pretty sweet. They have an exhibit with artifacts from some of the President's childhoods. This lead me to stumble on a couple truths.

#1) Gerald Ford was a badass. This dude played center for Michigan football and looked pretty tough. I would not fight him.

#2) JFK was the worst student ever. His grades are hilariously bad, he clearly didn't care until college.

#3) Jimmy Carter was a really skinny kid. I could take him, until he went to the Navy.

#4) Barbara Bush was definitely decent looking back in the day. Now I'm basing this on one picture so I'll leave it at decent.

#5) George H.W. Bush was sweet. He was a former college baseball player, had a solid wife, was the youngest pilot in the force at the time he entered, and just dominated. Too bad little bushy didn't take after him more.

I'm not sure how much longer the exhibit is for, but i recommend it. It was genuinely interesting.