I'm Back!

I'm back from Cambodia and I still think the Fox NFL robots and crump dancing are retarded. I mean, these robots are pretty much the worst, what is it about the NFL that makes Fox think about robots? Was that a meeting?

"I'll say a word and you say the first thing that comes to mind. Football"

"Dancing robots, next."

And crumping? Especially young white children crumping? No. It's stupid. Flailing as hard as you physically can? Not a fan.

Let's just hope the robots don't start crumping.

Glad to be back.

In Which Greg is a Dick

I read on another blog that there is a website where you can type dialogue for animated characters. Enjoy.

Happy Catholic New Year's Eve!

"Save us Jesus!"

As Girls Gone Wild has probably taught you, Mardi Gras is quite the celebration. For those who don't know the religious significance let me lay it out for you to play it out. Mardi Gras (or Fat Tuesday in normal people talk) is the culmination of Carnival and the last day before Lent begins on Ash Wednesday. For Catholics this means one last day to eat meat and do other really crazy stuff before making the traditional sacrifices of Lent (anyone want to hit the holy water one last time?). In fact "Carnival" has been translated from a Latin phrase meaning "the removal of meat", as opposed to the Brazilian translation "the removal of clothes".

During Lent, Catholics give up meat on Fridays (no pepperoni on that Jumbo slice) and also give up any number of sinful activities they deem achievable or appropriate. Apparently college coeds give up flashing their breasts and therefore do it as much as possible on Mardi Gras. Anyway it's very similar to New Year's Eve, you get really drunk and do as much bad stuff as possible, then you try to give it all up. Lenten sacrifices are the soul's equivalent of New Year's resolutions.

That's one benefit of being Catholic. You get two chances at resolutions. "Well I gave up worshiping false idols for the New Year, but it was so hard. I mean...well...I just love Clay Aiken and I can't help it. I guess I'll try again for Lent and this time I only have to do it for 40 days; just in time for Clay's Easter spectacular!"

What's my Lenten sacrifice you ask? This year I'm giving up building robots that may or may not rebel against the humans who created them. I hope the guy from Terminator does the same thing. Here's some other famous people and their sacrifices:

John McCain: campaign finance reform

Hilary Clinton: scowling

Barack Obama: cocai...ummm smoking (j/k!)

Kobe Bryant: passing

Britney: insanity

Eli Manning: juice boxes (is he not 12?)

Bill Belichick: sleeves, oh wait, he's got that covered

Pope Benedict: creeping people out

Tom Brady: super models...psych!

Will You Be My Friend? Circle Yes or No.

Last week America's President, George W. Bush, sent a handwritten note to N. Korea's Kim Jong Il. The State Dept has released that the letter "urged Pyongyang to follow through on an agreement to declare and dismantle its nuclear program". Unfortunately, only the Il'n villain and Bush know what the actual text of the letter said. That is until now, as America Rulez has received a copy from our friends over at "Greatest North Korea Number 1 Blogsite". Without further ado, the text of the letter:

Mr. Chairman,

Howdy buddy! Gee whiz Jongie, I just don't know what to do anymore. My approval rating is terrible and I'm afraid that when I leave office I'll be remembered as a miserable president. Even worse than Zach Taylor! Over in our country we aren't allowed to control the media or restrict speech like you lucky dogs. Well, gosh, it seems that people are awful sore at me and they aren't afraid to let it be known. I wish I could make up sweet stories about myself like you get to do. Man, remember when you told them that you get three or four holes in one per round of golf? That was so awesome.

Well, you must be wondering by now why I'm writing. To be honest, I need your help. I'm trying to leave office with some kind of legacy, so people might not hate me in the future. So...I was wondering...could you maybe declare and dismantle your nuclear program? I mean, that would be so awesome if history recalled that I ended the N. Korean nuclear threat.

Now I know what you're thinking. What's in it for me? Well listen partner, I have some great stuff for you. First, tell your people whatever you want. They will have no idea whether you have real nuclear capabilities, or if you're just saying it. Also I might be able to arrange for Angelina Jolie to adopt a North Korean child. Imagine the press and the star power! You can even hand her the baby yourself! Or, if that's not enough, while she's adopting the kid you can claim she violated your laws and keep her imprisoned and make her help the South Korean director you abducted in creating a North Korean film industry.

Help a brother out,
George W. Bush

p.s. We could get you Brad Pitt too if you want.

Some countries give their leaders no incentive to do things to make the world better. America gives it's outgoing presidents the incentive to do great things in order to leave a heroic legacy so that they can make sweet dough giving speeches and writing books. Nothing like economic incentives to make the world a safer place. Pretty sure America wins.