Bristol Palin to Name Son 'Morgan Freeman Johnston'

WASILLA, Ak. -- Just one day after the father of her baby and future husband Levi Johnston spoke on their pending nuptials and hinted at the possible sex of their child, Bristol Palin has announced that they have decided on a name for the baby. After confirming that the child is indeed a boy, Palin proclaimed that they will be naming him 'Morgan Freeman Johnston', presumably after prolific actor Morgan Freeman. "After seeing the bravery and strength Mr. Freeman showed in his term as President," Palin said, "it seemed only natural to want such a wonderful man as the namesake of our child."

Mr. Johnston was also available for comment, stating that "Bristol and I caught the documentary about President Freeman on TBS last night." When asked which documentary he was referring to Johnston responded: "you know, 'Deep Impact'? Well, after seeing that, it was pretty clear we had our name."

Reporters could not get comment from Vice-Presidential nominee Sarah Palin about her daughter's choice, but sources close to Governor Palin said she "hoped to one day be as strong a leader as President Freeman." And that "she was joyfully awaiting a grandchild named not only after an incredibly strong President, but also after God himself as 'Bruce Almighty' later informed us."

Proximity Mines in the Archives

If the name of this post means nothing to you, then you obviously haven't played Golden Eye for Nintendo 64. Probably one of the sweetest games ever.

Anyway...

A couple of my friends came down to Cap City for New Year's Eve, so we showed them around visiting museums and the like. This included a trip to the National Archives. Before I talk about that though, let me talk about a slight pet peeve of mine. It bothers me a little when people tell me "Happy New Years!" The "s" is necessary in New Year's Eve, but in this context it is not. I'm not celebrating the start of multiple years, so you don't have to address me as such. Unless of course these people are referring to the start of some other year as well as the calender year, in which case ignore the previous sentence.

Anyway...

We went to the archives to snoop around and it was pretty sweet. They have an exhibit with artifacts from some of the President's childhoods. This lead me to stumble on a couple truths.

#1) Gerald Ford was a badass. This dude played center for Michigan football and looked pretty tough. I would not fight him.

#2) JFK was the worst student ever. His grades are hilariously bad, he clearly didn't care until college.

#3) Jimmy Carter was a really skinny kid. I could take him, until he went to the Navy.

#4) Barbara Bush was definitely decent looking back in the day. Now I'm basing this on one picture so I'll leave it at decent.

#5) George H.W. Bush was sweet. He was a former college baseball player, had a solid wife, was the youngest pilot in the force at the time he entered, and just dominated. Too bad little bushy didn't take after him more.

I'm not sure how much longer the exhibit is for, but i recommend it. It was genuinely interesting.