Today's Second Collection is for Tattoo Removal

Hey Jeanne Assam! Don't get that tear drop tattoo just yet!

For the unfamiliar, Ms. Assam is the volunteer guard who shot the crazy killer at a Colorado church on Monday. This dude killed four people at two separate Colorado churches before Assam dropped him. His autopsy revealed that he actually died from a self inflicted bullet wound, not from Assam's shots as previously thought. This whole scenario raises a number of interesting questions.

First of all, how many churches have strapped security guards? Is there a weapons check before or after the Lord's prayer? I mean, the lady is a volunteer security guard, which means at some point she was asked if she wouldn't mind bringing her piece to mass.

Scene from church council meeting

Priest: "Any new parish business?"
Community member 1(CM1): "Father, the church is concerned about some rumors regarding the impending apocalypse."
CM2: "Yes Father, we were wondering if we might want to arm the congregation, to hold off Satan long enough to repent."
P: "Interesting...I don't know about arming the whole church, but perhaps a guard might be in order." "Any suggestions?"
CM1: "Hey Jeanne, didn't you used to be a police officer?" "Could you possibly bring your piece with you?"
Jeanne: "I suppose I could, better safe than Damned."

Another interesting situation is the range of emotions that Assam must be going through. I mean one minute your dealing with the fact that you just capped someone and it's hard at first. But then you start realizing you can get that tear drop tattoo you've always wanted, plus maybe 50 cent will invite you up to his crib to shoot at his indoor range. You start getting used to the whole idea of being a hero as well as enjoying the limelight at your knitting group where everyone's asking you what it's like to kill. Then the autopsy comes back and ruins everything. She was quoted as saying "it was me, the gunman and God". Well now it's just the gunman and God, no room for Jeanne. What a roller coaster of emotion. My conclusion? The medical examiner is an asshole. But I'll be damned if that lady didn't make the most of her second amendment rights.

America wins.